you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
