I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
