Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
