Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
