Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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