I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
