No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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