He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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