Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
