She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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