i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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