new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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