Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
