if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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