Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
40s are totally the cure
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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