WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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