He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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