weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
