At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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