I puked a lego.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
