A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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