i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
