when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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