So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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