Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
