I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
