Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
