I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
