so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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