Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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