why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
MIDGETS
????
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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