when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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