woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
