I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
