Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
