Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
