White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
