Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
