Only a mothe r could love this liver
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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