I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
