What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
