never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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