please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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