just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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