She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
PANTIES FOUND
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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