How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
