he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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