I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
