bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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