The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
