I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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