nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
