remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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