so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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