im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
