Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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