I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
